Conflict-Resolution

I had to share this with you all...

I am completing a course on oral communication and the topic is conflict-resolution styles.  As part of the assignment this week, I had to comment on one of several scenarios.  Here is what I chose.  I bet it plays close to many of your hearts... Enjoy!

Discussion Question #1:

Describe an instance where someone you know resolved conflict ineffectively. What was your reaction?  What would you have done differently?

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This is classic.  

She is yelling about dirty laundry laying around the house - socks at the bedside, last night's t-shirt on the sofa.  The fact that the toilet seat is up just adds to the list of frustrations.  As she yells, he plays video games on his game console.  He barely even hears her, or so it appears.  The only way she illicit a response from him is by standing in front of the tv.  He just dodges her body by shifting to the side.  Eventually he gives up - shuts the game off and stomps away, most likely more upset by the interruption of his game than the conflict at hand.

This was the scene in 2001 when my now-husband and I moved in together.  I was using a competing conflict-resolution style while he was demonstrating his mastery of the avoiding style, showing off his secret "delay" tactic.  My reaction to his withdrawal from the situation was furry.  How dare he avoid me when I'm having a reasoning melt-down?  I follow him to the bedroom where he retreats - we're ending this argument now! Even if it takes all night. (smile)

Ahhh... now that hindsight is 20/20 and my hormonal outbursts as a young 20-something are over, what would I have done differently?  I would have picked up the clothes and made a snidely remark - knowing he would get the picture.  OR, I would leave his clothes laying around and wash only what made it into the laundry baskets.  Textbook answers would suggest that I may have collaborated with him to come to a solution that is acceptable by the both of us.  I don't know that would have worked back then.  I could only imagine what the solution would have been: "I'll pick up the laundry while you continue to play video games."